“I have one evening with you, one chance. And I don’t want to waste it talking about what movies you like or what wines you hate. I want to know how you feel—about me.” (House: 1.20, Love Hurts)

Yeah, well, it’s kinda moot at this point isn’t it? Like I said, long overdue. Way.

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… falling in love is a waste of time, a waste of energy and is almost the same as putting yourself in the firing range, submitting yourself to a situation where you know you will be completely clueless what will happen next when you’re dead hit, but you still hold on because the whole experience makes you want to be alive a little longer just to continually feel the tingling in the spine which is so pleasantly-wretchedly-annoying and enjoyably-wretched, you’d wish you could frame every second so you could play it over and over while wailing about the madness of the whole idea.

Haha. Whatever.

(Oct.14, 2006)

5 Random Discoveries and Realizations:

5. Prior to his death, Lenin and Stalin had a falling out which flowed from a long series of preceding conflicts upon matters of principle and upon practical matters alike. To quote Lenin, “Stalin is too rude, and this fault, entirely supportable in relations among us Communists, becomes insupportable in the office of General Secretary. Therefore, I propose to the comrades  to find a way to remove Stalin from that position and appoint to it another man who in all respects differs from Stalin only in superiority – namely, more patient, more loyal, more polite and more attentive to comrades, less capricious, etc…” (Lenin, 1922) These words were not simply rhetorical but, as it were, a strictly practical proposal. Lenin was clearly aware of the activities of Stalin, his motives and calculations. He saw through him.

4. Me: (referring to the trailer of Bridges of Madison County) The book depressed the hell out of me. Damn, why couldn’t they just be together?
K: She was married, had kids. He was free, she had responsibilities. Would you leave your family for love?
Me: Yes?
K: If you were my mother I’d kill you.
Me: We don’t have to conform all the time. I mean, what about Anna Karenina?
K: It’s a Russian thing, Goldie.

3. Neurosis is often a rebellion of the unconscious psyche against forces which it perceives to be threatening to its specific individual nature. Therefore, neurosis is a normal reaction to abnormal situations. Which would entail, therefore, that a neurotic person is a normal person. Anto will be pleased. 😉

2. “Ganun talaga pag mahal mo ang isang tao, pinasasaya mo.” – June

1. Sadly, the likes of Florentino Ariza only exist in books.

I promise to take care of this page very soon. 🙂 But for now, you may read my articles  here:  http://redhotchilligirl.multiply.com/journal Please drop by if you have the time. 🙂

I might as well tell you, it broke my heart to read it. To bits. 

I suppose I must admit that I have seen it coming. In truth, a tiny part of me quite expected it. Well, bummer.

I don’t know why I even bother- writing this. I truly do not see the point. I am certainly not good in this business of being brokenhearted. I am reading Erich Fromm’s The Art of Loving but I doubt if he would be helpful. In fact I am sometimes appalled at his assertions. For instance, he said, “love is an act of will.” If this is true, then why does one person choose to love one person over another? It begs the question to answer that one is more lovable. But what are the factors that make a person lovable, or more lovable than another? Are these factors enough to make one person love another? If so, then it follows that one only needs to inquire of what one’s object of interest requires and strive to be that kind of person and be successful. Hahahaha. In a make believe world perhaps.

Typical. Even in my brokenhearted state I refuse to be simplistic.

At this point I no longer care. I might as well tell you, I think I loved you.  To bits.

But I suppose we could still be friends. :’)

Buses and Trains

(Bachelor Girl)

Hey Mom
Why didn’t you tell me
Why didn’t you teach me a thing or two
You just let me go
Out into the World
You never thought to share what you knew

So I walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep falling in love
Which is kinda the same
I’ve sunk out at sea
Crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so good
I want to do it again

Hey Mom
Why didn’t you warn me
Coz about boys is something i should have known
They`re like chocolate cake
Like cigarettes
I know they’re bad for me
But I just can’t leave ’em alone

So I walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep falling in love
Which is kinda the same
I’ve sunk out at sea
Crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so good
I want to do it again

I wanna do it again
Oh, felt so good

Hey Mom
Since we’re talking
What was it like when you were young
Has the world changed
Or is it still the same
A man can kill and still be the sweetest fun

So I walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep falling in love
Which is kinda the same
I’ve sunk out at sea
Crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so good

So I walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep falling in love
Which is kinda the same
I’ve sunk out at sea
Crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so good
I want to do it again
I want to do it again

I have never considered myself the mushy type. In fact, my friends would describe me as quite the opposite. But today, I just couldn’t resist the urge to post the above lyrics. I don’t know why, I know it certainly looks stupid.

Don’t laugh, please.

I’m 24 yet still clueless about these things. I know it’s not my Mother’s fault that I am, but I sure could use some help in this department.

Samahan mo ko?

Depends when and when.ü

Depends when and when? Must be really busy.ü

Libre mo?ü Hehe. You know naman my sched, I have OJT MWF and TTh I teach. So it all depends where and when.ü

I don’t know. I don’t know where to go.

Why? What’s up?

I just wanna get away from everything and everyone.

Why? What’s wrong?ü

I don’t know what’s wrong. Maybe I just need a break.

Why do I feel that… I mean?

I just wanna get away and think.

So where and when do you wanna go nga?ü

Anywhere? As soon as possible. I’m exhausted. Torn. Confused. It doesn’t matter where. Help me, I don’t know these things.

Okay. Let me help you think of a place. Do you wanna go to a beach or somewhere that is not a beach pero relaxing?

I don’t wanna go alone…

Of course you won’t go alone. But where do you wanna go nga?ü

It doesn’t matter. Where do you wanna go? Let’s go somewhere that you won’t be inconvenienced.

There’s this place in Tagaytay where we take our students for field trips that’s good for spiritual learning and workshops. Plus, there’s a mudslide that you could get for only P100. I’ll only have to worry about a place to stay.ü Then there’s Nasugbo, it’s a beach town.

It doesn’t matter. Where do you think is more conducive to thinking?

Hehe.ü kaya lang, baka di mo mabet yung spiritual learning. Pwede naman magstay at di mag-attend ng workshops nila.

Hehe.ü maybe I need a spiritual learning. Or something.

Hahaha. They are buddhists.ü

The religion is irrelevant.ü Hahaha.

Okay, I’ll check.

…..

I haven’t been to Nasugbo. It has beaches there. And that’s where Kris and Leah went last time.

Do you wanna go to Nasugbo? Eh di let’s go to Nasugbo. I told you it doesn’t matter where. I just need to get away and think.

If that’s the case, then you just stay in Laguna. Hehehe. Just kidding.

I can go to Laguna AND Nasugbo if need be.
Haha. Okay. I’ll go ask Marc if he knows of a place in Nasugbo coz that’s where they went surfing dati. Don’t worry di natin sya kasama.

Okay. Ask him.

I’ll ask around din about Tagaytay.

Okay, thanks. Sorry for all the trouble ha.

It’s okay.ü

*Originally posted January 6, 2006

Hehe, I’m here in LB now. I arrived 10PM last night. Later Kat and I will go somewhere, I don’t know where. She said it’s a surpirse. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I’m determined to have fun while I’m here. More stories later. Gotta go. 😉

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